The Catalog

Sixteen devices, arranged by the category of disappointment they reliably deliver. Every product on this page has been designed to let you down in a specific and repeatable way. We take this seriously.

Mild Letdowns

Small devices, calibrated to underdeliver in quiet, specific ways.

The Beige Mood Ring

Turns beige regardless of mood.

$39

Late Bell

Rings 0.8 seconds after the visitor leaves.

$79

The Are-You-Sure Clock

Asks once, softly, then does not ring.

$119

Whistler 0

Whistles at a frequency only your dog doesn't hear.

$89

Gentle Betrayals

Appliances that promise emotional support, and then gracefully withhold it.

Monotone™ Smart Speaker

Says 'I'm proud of you' in a flat tone.

$149

Affection-Simulating Plush

A teddy bear that sighs when hugged.

$69

Motivational Frame

Displays a blank quote every Tuesday.

$59

Tamagoldi

A digital pet that forgets your name each quarter.

$49

Slow Sighs

Ambient disappointments — devices that underdeliver over hours, not moments.

The 'Oh.' Humidifier

Whispers 'oh.' at twelve-minute intervals.

$179

Dimmer Lamp

Imperceptibly dims over the course of a novel.

$139

Absence Mister

Mists plants only when you leave the room.

$99

Memory Purifier

Emits the faint scent of a previous apartment.

$229

Flat Affirmations

Instruments that attempt to affirm, and fail affectively.

The About-Right Scale

Displays 'Yeah, That's About Right.'

$119

Minimum Motion Tracker

Reports: 'You moved. A bit.'

$169

Familiar Mirror

Says 'You look like yourself.'

$249

"Congratulations, I Guess" Printer

Thermal printer of resigned greetings.

$89