Meh.

The Catalog

Sixteen devices, arranged by the category of disappointment they reliably deliver. Every product on this page has been designed to let you down in a specific and repeatable way. We take this seriously.

Mild Letdowns

Small devices, calibrated to underdeliver in quiet, specific ways.

The Beige Mood Ring

The Beige Mood Ring

Turns beige regardless of mood.

$39

Late Bell

Late Bell

Rings 0.8 seconds after the visitor leaves.

$79

The Are-You-Sure Clock

The Are-You-Sure Clock

Asks once, softly, then does not ring.

$119

Whistler 0

Whistler 0

Whistles at a frequency only your dog doesn't hear.

$89

Gentle Betrayals

Appliances that promise emotional support, and then gracefully withhold it.

Monotone™ Smart Speaker

Monotone™ Smart Speaker

Says 'I'm proud of you' in a flat tone.

$149

Affection-Simulating Plush

Affection-Simulating Plush

A teddy bear that sighs when hugged.

$69

Motivational Frame

Motivational Frame

Displays a blank quote every Tuesday.

$59

Tamagoldi

Tamagoldi

A digital pet that forgets your name each quarter.

$49

Slow Sighs

Ambient disappointments — devices that underdeliver over hours, not moments.

The 'Oh.' Humidifier

The 'Oh.' Humidifier

Whispers 'oh.' at twelve-minute intervals.

$179

Dimmer Lamp

Dimmer Lamp

Imperceptibly dims over the course of a novel.

$139

Absence Mister

Absence Mister

Mists plants only when you leave the room.

$99

Memory Purifier

Memory Purifier

Emits the faint scent of a previous apartment.

$229

Flat Affirmations

Instruments that attempt to affirm, and fail affectively.

The About-Right Scale

The About-Right Scale

Displays 'Yeah, That's About Right.'

$119

Minimum Motion Tracker

Minimum Motion Tracker

Reports: 'You moved. A bit.'

$169

Familiar Mirror

Familiar Mirror

Says 'You look like yourself.'

$249

"Congratulations, I Guess" Printer

"Congratulations, I Guess" Printer

Thermal printer of resigned greetings.

$89